I’m a natural extrovert and being home 24/7 hurts after a week. But not only staying home has hurt but really it showed a lot of priority. I’ve enjoyed being able to slow down with my kids and do things we otherwise wouldn’t have time to but it does hurt when after a week not a single person reaches out. It hurts knowing that you love with deep depression and trauma and immune issues and this is life. The life that makes everyone else panic is my life.
Having your world turned upside down? That’s my life after child loss. Having friends ignore you for their own issues (sorry if this comes across selfish). But honestly that’d also life after child loss. You realize that the people who love and adore you really only love and adore you when you’re happy in life is normal. This isn’t a pity me or I feel bad this is just a small wake up call of how her life is just this way all the time. I have been truly amazed at watching people be a custom to this new way of life that I have forgotten that it’s not normal for everyone else.
I do love our homeschool which is not normal isolation by the way. I’m thankful we have a close family and can support each other through this. But at the same time part of me always truly believed that the people who say they’re there for each other really aren’t when it comes down to it.
But Quarantine has taught us that our normal life has become much more isolated than we realized over the last couple of years since losing our daughter. We learned that people stepped away when it was uncomfortable, people didn’t like slowing down their life, and people didn’t like being inconvenienced. Even though we’re definitely not isolationist by any means we have a very different life than we used to have a couple of years ago.
I’m writing this all to say it’ll be okay again
Even if your life never goes back to a full normal you can grow through this and things will get to a new normal.
Some ways child loss has truly prepared us for this type of thing as a family. We have learned that the worst things could happen we’ve learned to do it without support because everyone else ran away and we learned that on the hardest days you’ll still make it through in the end
Embrace the good moments. Read the books. Enjoy the movies. Walk the dogs and kids. Respect the rules but know that it’s not forever.
Also remember that this is some of our normal. The stress and anxiety and wonder what will happen. That became our normal for a long time.
It feels surreal to have everyone else go through it now too
You’ll learn where your faith lies. You’ll learn who your friends are. You’ll learn where your priorities are
In the end it may it may not go back to normal but you will be forever changed and affected. Show grace to others. Show love to those who need it. Remember your temporary is some of our permanent. We put money a string face for you but inside it hurts every single day. And yes we keep keeping on through it all.
