Warning for those who have lost to miscarriage, this post may be upsetting, although not graphic.
I normally never post political anything, so this is not that area, even though some may see it as such.
It is also very rare that I post about my twins, although people close to us know about them and their impact on our family.
I just wanted to take a moment to share my heart especially with all I've been seeing lately about abortion.
I have heard it ALL. Why people have abortions, and this is not what I'm here to discuss. People know how I feel about it. I believe strongly that a baby is a human from the moment of conception and abortion is the murdering of those helpless babies. I don't hate those that have had abortions, but I do deeply mourn for them and their babies. However, this is not what I'm here to talk about.
As few people know, when Ezekiel was 8 months old I found out I was pregnant.
This was not planned, and it was very shocking. I was so much in shock I became angry! I was angry at the fact I was already struggling physically and emotionally and now would have four children under four years old even though I had done things to prevent my pregnancy.
For me abortion has never been a consideration ever. Even when I was recommended to for my health. Even when people told me how much better for me it would be. This was even before I had ever lost children.
For me the thought of a miscarriage or loss never occurred to me to happen. I had three healthy babies and perfect pregnancies and easy deliveries.
With the twins I didn't even rush for a doctor appointment because I knew I was pregnant, the clinic had confirmed it, but I had never had any issues before either. Due to insurance issues, it took until I was almost 16 weeks to get me in for my first "heartbeat" check and ultrasound. I was having morning sickness, I was still working full time, and I was still taking care of babies at home and my husband, and dealing with a lot of other things at the time.
I had felt baby movement (although I felt it was crazy early) and I knew that there was a sweet child inside of me. Until you feel your baby, see the heartbeat, you may not understand that from the moment you are pregnant, you have a child. You are a mother. You love your sweet baby.
The biggest shock came to me when during the ultrasound (that I was expecting it to be normal and basic) they told me I was having TWINS~!
This put me in a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. I immediately called my husband and told him and started already mentally thinking of plans, names, and everything this would entail.
Very shortly however, I realized something was wrong. They brought in three different doctors to come check on the babies. There was no heartbeat on either baby.
This was the time my doctors gently told me my babies had not survived. Yes, survived. They had been alive, and growing, and moving.... and now they had died. No heartbeat, and no more growth.
They sent me home and hoped that I would continue the miscarriage at home. After a day I went back to the hospital to be induced because I could not mentally wrap my mind around the idea that I had just lost two babies. Two, unplanned, miracles that I never got a chance to hold.
After being induced, and going through hours of painful labor I delivered two babies. These babies were smaller than my hand, but they were still my babies. They still had all their organs, body parts, and were completely human.We did name them, we had a funeral for them, and we buried them. At 16 weeks, we had two baby boys. Gabriel and Michael.
Although no one knew my boys, and we never had a chance to hear them laugh or cry. Even though their brothers never got to meet them, we still had two precious boys. Do we understand why we lost them? No. I probably never will understand. But knowing they are in heaven brings some comfort. Knowing they never had to suffer or be in pain, and all they ever knew was my comforting heartbeat and voice helps a little bit.
I just wanted to say to people who may not understand. Even at 16 weeks, my sweet boys had foot prints. They had a weight. They had a height. Albeit, very small, our twins are forever part of our hearts and our memories. It also helped me to never take for granted the babies I do have. Since then we have lost our 21 month old daughter, and we lost another baby at 7 weeks to a miscarriage. Even at 7 weeks, that baby, Angel, had an impact on our family.
Pray and love those babies. Pray for the moms struggling with the right decisions, and pray for our nation that God would work wonders.
My heart is grieved, and I honestly wish I personally could take in all those unwanted children. Go and make a change, be the difference, and pray earnestly.
I just wanted to say thank you for those that pray and love on us.
Thank you for listening to my story.
