No Spend Challenge and how it helped my priorities!

This last month I decided to try a "No Spend Challenge."  This was mostly due to the fact that between October-January every single year we overspend!  Between holidays, traveling, birthdays, etc, it's SO easy to get caught up in everything and end up broke by February.  This always made me frustrated at myself for overspending the holidays, even though each year I promise myself that I won't!

I was also getting frustrated that every single month I felt "broke" and we were not building up a savings account.  I didn't feel we were spending a lot on junk, we don't excessively go out, but yet we were not having as much every month left over as we should.  This No Spend Challenge has allowed to strongly reevaluate and see where we were spending.  I was constantly blaming my husband for his eating out, and he would blame me for the Amazon purchases, etc.  Doing this let us both see we both needed to scale back the "small spending" stuff that quickly was piling up.

Step One: I made a list of our income/expenses!

 I have tried budgeting apps, banking apps, but I have found what works best for me is good old fashioned paper taped up to my desk!!  This allowed me to write down EVERY SINGLE monthly bill we pay (yes, even the small ones), and list out our income.  I got a balance of what I SHOULD have left over each month!!  Seeing that "should be" number motivated me to get that amount saved up!  Every time a bill came in, I checked it off my paper list, and then I was never surprised by a bill I would forget about last minute.  Keeps me accountable and lets my husband and I both see what we are spending on.

Step Two: Write out what you can/ cannot spend on. 

 For us we allowed for the Budgeted bills, groceries, gas, and church events.  What we were saying "no" to was eating out, Amazon purchases, Starbucks, and any spontaneous shopping.  I am the worst at spontaneous shopping, especially at Walmart or Amazon!  I mean even if it's for a good cause (like educational things for the kids right?) I was making myself sit back and think "Do I REALLY need this?", "In a month will it really make a difference, or will we end up throwing it out?"  When you stop and think through what is really necessary, that impulse spending sure slowed down.

Step Three: Make a calendar/chart, to keep myself accountable.

For me, I gave myself Green smiley faces (positive reinforcement) and then wrote down the amount we spent outside of it in red!  So many times, knowing that I would have to write down the dollar amount made me not spend it.  That random $20, $10, etc, started adding up fast in my head and I did NOT want to be writing down that final amount.

Step Four: Have a goal or a reason!

I do not work on things just to do it.  I have to have a tangible goal and amount to work for.  For us, we made a list of things we wanted in the next six months to spend on such as home improvement projects, family vacation, school curriculum, etc.  We wrote down the amount we needed to save up, and this further fueled my need to NOT spend!  Every time I wanted that extra Starbucks, I would think of how much I could use it toward one of my goals instead.


Now, doing this for a month has taught me a LOT!  We were not perfect with it, and we ended up spending $100 over what I originally planned, but we were still able to save up a LOT of money!!  We found out that with the amount we should be saving (and actually doing it) allows for a good slush fund to do fun things that are important!

I was constantly getting frustrated at not having money to travel, or do big projects, but a lot of it was my own fault.  We had the income, I was just horrible at spending it on every little thing in the moment.

WHAT I LEARNED:
1) So many things are not critical!  Enjoy and find cheaper ways to do things.
2) Embrace the FREE field trips, and community events.  Not everything has to be expensive and big.
3) Stick to the plan!
4) Take responsibility, and quit blaming others (yes, even though your husband DID get that taco :P )
5) I was less stressed knowing that I was financially secure.  No more stress over whether the next date night will put us over the top, or if that last minute bill comes in what will I do?
6) My kids learned the importance of saving up too!  Every time I would go to spend money, the kids wanted to make sure we were not spending out of their "Legoland California" trip!  They didn't ask for extra things, and encouraged me to save too because we had a good goal we were aiming for as a family.

There were days it was frustrating, and days I didn't stick to it like I should have, but overall I am so glad how it turned out!  

We are continuing this through the next two months as we save and plan for our big stuff!!  I cannot wait to see how much we save up and prioritize!

Remember, those new shoes are not really that critical, your kids will be okay without that big science project, and you CAN have fun days with friends without making it the biggest party of the year!

What are ways you save up and plan??

Valentine's Day Party!

So here's a small little update with our Valentine's Day Party!

Normally we don't do valentine's with the kids outside of grandparents and family, because they were too young to really care.  This year, with a whole group of homeschoolers, they all wanted to celebrate!

This was exciting for me because it was new, and it let us spend time going over love, God's love, friend love, family love, and why we love each other.

After much debate (on my end) of whether to do a BIG blowout party (because yes, that is how I do parties) or just a quiet park day and nothing fancy, or a middle.  We ended up with a happy middle!!

The library had story time this week about love, hearts, and a few fun songs to go through it, and the kids enjoyed it.  It also allowed us to check out some new Valentine's Day books to read at home.

Next we had our Homeschool group families come on over and do an exchange!  The kids had so much fun writing out cards and candy to pass to their friends.  We even got a little creative and decorated some old containers for our exchange box.

Last we watched Charlie Brown Valentines (thank you DVR!!) and decorated some cookies brought by our friends!

I love the holidays that are filled with fun, friends, family, and food!!  It was great for the kids to focus on their friends, and it gave us time to sit back and really think through why do we love others.

Mark 12:31 - And the second [is] like, [namely] this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.

1 John 4:19 - We love him, because he first loved us

1 John 4:7 - Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God.

1 John 4:8 - He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Luke 6:35 - But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and [to] the evil.

We look back and realized during our Bible time that God loves us unconditionally and forever!!  When we put that into view, it makes it so much easier to show love to others.  Let the petty stuff go, and focus on WHY we love others and keep that mindset.  When our children get mad at their friends, they look and see that God loves them, mommy and daddy love them (even when they are stinkers), and it makes it easier for them to show love to their friends.

Enjoy the fun, but don't forget to look at why it is important to show love and set the example for our children.  It lets them see the example of God as they grow and it makes it easier for them to love and serve God too.

Now, what did the adults do for Valentine's Day??  We watched a movie, snuggled, and just enjoyed the quiet!  I used to want the big blowout presents and big date nights, but now the quiet and relax is all the better!  But hey, I DID get day after Valentine's flowers for 70% off!!  :D 

Hope you all had a wonderful Valentine's Day, and don't forget to go and spend some extra time and love with your families!  When you get frustrated at your friends or family... think through how much MORE God puts up with us!!

Our quieter week!

This week has been such a calm and quiet week for us!!

My helper left town for two weeks, so a dear friend took some additional children I watch off my hands for two weeks so my family could rest some.  This week has been SO nice!!

I love watching a house full of kids, and homeschooling, and everything else we do.  This keeps me organized, focused, busy, and fun!  But, like every other mom in the world...we all need a break from time to time.  Now, I was thinking to myself, how is 3 less kids a break?? I still have 4-6 at my house every day!!?!

Well, let me break down how awesome and chill this week has been for me!

Every morning I have been able to wake up at 7 (yes my kids are up no matter what), but then I get a good 30 minutes of quiet while my kids play and get dressed and I can do my devotions!!  Normally I am rushing to get everyone dressed before our extra kids show up, prep breakfast, and I dont' get that quiet start often.

Now, we go onto breakfast.  Our quiet, happy breakfast.  No hype from a house of friends showing up and it has been SO nice!!

Then we spend the morning cleaning up (like we always do) but it goes so much faster and more organized with only 2 big kids instead of 4-5 :)

School has been weird, because I got used to teaching 4 grades and keeping it incredibly orderly.  Now, I can do our lessons, ALL the lessons, in the mornings!  This leaves SO much time in our day for board games, legos, outside, and it's all calm and peaceful!  It's fun with friends, but definitely adds to the crazy level.

This week we took Mon and Tues off of school, JUST to enjoy playing, and running errands, and having Valentine's day!  Wednesday we popped back into school and we were refreshed and happy with it!

I have been spending my afternoons just resting finally!!  This has been much needed for me.  Since school is done in the mornings, I'm able to just spend a quiet resting time.

This break also reminded me WHY I do the homeschool schecdule we do.  We do year round 6 weeks on, 1 week off.  This was not our intial plan when we homeschooled, but we learned very early on, that our family does not do well with long breaks.  It makes us lazy, unorganized, and bored.

But also, after only 6 weeks I feel burned out... every time...

This fits so perfectly into our family doing 6 weeks of school and week of "adventures", vacations, or just good old fashioned play and family time!


So, all in all, I am just enjoying a quiet, peaceful, good family time type of week!  Moms, don't forget to TAKE A BREAK when you need it!!

Our kids are happier having just us, and our house is calmer.  I do love what I do, but we can't forget to take care of ourselves and our families too.

Take a break!

Slow down!!

Okay, I definitely do NOT like it when people tell me to slow down... especially when it's my doctor.

For years I have struggled with depression, anxiety, bipolar problems, and I felt that this last year I have made HUGE strides in combating it.  I still have my days I struggle, but with Bible time, self improvement, good friends, good music, working DAILY to keep my mind right, I have seen HUGE improvements in my mental health!

Now I apparently forgot to slow down physically.

People do not realize that I have physical health problems as well.  Fibromyalgia plays a big part of it.  Zeal helps me from being bed ridden most days, and keeps my pain levels down.  Healthy diet and meal planning does a LOT.  Working out keeps me healthy too.

This week my doctor informed me that I also have adrenal fatigue and thyroid imbalances.  It's now going to be me forcing a break on myself more than I wanted to.  It's a struggle when mentally we want to do so much and be "Supermom" and our body tells us no.  Now I have to relearn the balance.  I'm good at running hard, and I'm good at crashing.  Balance is a delicate thing that I am working on more each year.

What is adrenal fatigue?? It's when you run with chronic stress (physical and mental) and your adrenals start to not work right.  This causes SEVERE exhaustion, weight loss, hormone imbalances, sleep deprivation... all sorts of problems.  This does not work out well for a mom running after a house full of energetic kids.

I feel like I can never take a break because everyone needs me, but if I don't take a break for myself and I burnout, then what happens?

Now it's a balance of staying fit without overdoing it.  Eating right, but keeping high calorie.  And now adjusting to some new supplements and other things to balance my body!

This is NO joke!  I also hate to slow down.  As a mom when do we get to slow down and take a break?? Never, right?  Yes, we cook, clean, jump and play with our kids, work jobs, volunteer in different places, run to sports practice, and STILL try to find time for our husbands and ourselves as well.  Moms do NOT get a lot of breaks.

I have been pushing myself so hard and trying to do everything all the time, that my body has been telling me to slow down, and I never can.

Well, now it's not an options.

I'm So thankful for the people family and friends supporting and helping me.  Also reminder to ALL my mom friends... take a break!!

You do NOT have to be a pro with working out.  Just be healthy.  You don't have to have a spotless house.  Just be happy.  You don't have to volunteer everywhere.  Just show love.  And MOST importantly, TAKE TIME for yourself when you need it!!


Tonight I was also so thankful for a Ladies Night Painting (at Painting with a Twist).  Even though I was tired and stress and grumpy, just getting a couple hours with NO kids, and other friends to just relax, laugh, and enjoy time with is priceless!!


Things I am now going to be working on for my personal health and well being:

1) Learn when to say NO.  Other people are capable of stepping up when needed.

2) Learn to appreciate the small things more.  Sit and read.  Sit and listen to the kids when they need those 10 minutes.  Learn to be okay with sitting... not always doing.

3) Learn when to rest, but do NOT allow laziness and spiral for depression.

4) Learn to mentally slow down and study more! (especially during devotions).  I speed read, and rush everything.

5) Learn when to ask for help.  I love being the person that host things, and does everything.  So many times I need a LOT of help and support, but I don't want to be the whiny person that is a downer all the time.

6) Learn to take time for ME.  I love my family and children, but I also have been going to where I NEVER get a day off... from anything...ever.   I need to learn to slow down and take the serious "me" time when needed.


Remember that if I don't take care of myself then I can't be there to take care of my kids and family.

MOMS, it can be easy to not take care of yourself!!  Remember that if we crash, our family crashes with us.  Don't be afraid to ask for help, and take that necessary healing time when your body and mind need it.

Surviving the Mom Guilt

Every mom has this.  Mom guilt.  It's the basic philosophy at looking at everyone else, looking at your life, and realizing how much you are failing as a mom.

Mom Guilt.

My first child I was going to do it all RIGHT!  Cloth diapers, breast feed, no solids til 6 months, sleep routine, and make it all easy.

Cloth diapering did happen!  Success.  Now, he went to formula by 4 months because my supply stopped.  This caused the next THREE YEARS of mom guilt!  Why did I not try harder? Why didn't I nurse through it, what if he has health problems? What if he isn't smart enough because of the formula? what if... what if...

This causes mom guilt.

Second child this was going to be great! With him I was able to nurse, but only because he had tummy issues and colic, and everything hurt him, including formula.  Nursing 24/7 felt like so I had no time for my 18 month old running circles around me.  Nursing the colicky crying baby when I was crying to because there was nothing else I could do.  Mom guilt.  Why is he colicky? Why is he never sleeping? Why is diet elimination so hard? Why... why... why?

This causes mom guilt.

I could go on for hours and days and paragraphs of all the mom guilt things!  What if our weekly pizza night isn't nutritious enough?  Why did we hit McDonalds that week when I know it's chemicl-laded?  Why did I not sit and play legos one more hour?  Why did I let them watch 3 hours of TV on a Saturday so I could rest? Why am I not doing more? Why am I not being more???  Why can't I get a pinterest project to work? Why can I not think of amazing meal plans? Why will my two year old not potty train?  Why does my 4 year old have so many fears?  Why am I not for comforting for him? Why ... ??

More mom guilt.

This mom guilt also becomes amplified when you feel like this makes you a bad wife too.  Why do I not deep clean every week? Why do I not make phenomenal meals well rounded every meal? Why do I not embrace date nights and kid free nights?  Why am I not the picture perfect 50's housewife who just caters to her spouse every day and LOVES to clean and cook?

As a mom filled with anxiety, depression, bipolar and numerous problems, mom guilt happens all too often!

Something I am learning to embrace is that God made ME the perfect mom for MY kids!  Each of my children are different, and I am the mom they need for me.

My two year old will NOT be potty trained like the other ones at the same time.  My baby will go to formula quicker. My six year old will be a little oddball.  My four year old will be my one that needs extra snuggles every day.

Don't feel bad that you forgot to bathe your baby for a week because she didn't seem that dirty, even though you bathed your older two EVERY DAY of their lives!!  Don't feel bad that because your oldest self potty trained, that next two refused to.  Don't feel bad that only ONE child successfully nursed past 6 months.  Don't feel bad that your family needs those Pizza nights to avoid mommy break down.  Don't feel bad that you sent them outside for hours so you could take a break.  Don't feel bad they know all the episodes of Mickey Mouse from Disney Jr because you needed that time to rest.

Social Media lets us see the Highlights (THE GOOD AMAZING MOMENTS) of everyone else.  It doesn't let us see the dark, scary, guilt ridden, crying all night, ice cream binging moms that we become.  Quit trying to be the "perfect mom" because guess what???  No one is!  That's right.  NO MOM HAS IT ALL TOGETHER!!  We are all learning day to day what works for our family.  As seasons and times of life change, so do we.  It is a constant learning curve with lots of bad moments.

Quit going over all those long crying bad moments.  Instead, let go and remember that you DID remember to play trains that one time.  Remember that your kids see you as a super mom rockstar and you are the world to them.

Let us all strive to be the best for our families and don't compare and cry over every detail.

My new checklist:
My kids are happy
My kids are healthy
My kids are fed.
My kids know that I love them every single day.

Hey, I'm a good mom :)