Finding the small blessings

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This week we got the amazing blessing to get away with friends and relax at the beach.   Doing this small getaway reminded me of so many small things that add up to big blessings. 

I had a dear friend buy me a cake and a new necklace for Mira’s birthday.   The thoughtfulness and kindness and willingness to remember my daughter meant the world to me.  

Watching my fiancé spend hours at the ocean with my boys and loving them and working with them like his own kids is incredible to me. 

Watching the most amazing red sunset that lit up the sky reminds me of the incredible art and glory of a God who shows up and comforts during the hard days 

So many times people think they need to do the big bold and giant things.  Instead, so many just need the small reminders, the gentle hugs, the acts of kindness, and show up when someone hurts.  It doesn’t take a show of grandeur just small gestures of love and grace. 

Thankful for the people who love me and my boys through our messy days and trying times.  Thankful for friends who don’t judge and who embrace us for ourselves.   

Thankful and blessed.  Looking forward to a wonderful upcoming season of life! 

Encouragement through the heartbreak

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I started working through a devotion book about Seeing Beautiful Again by Lysa Terkhurst.  With all of the loss and chaos and upheaval of my life it’s been easy to feel bitter or upset or depressed.  This book has been amazing for me because it daily refocuses me on Bible through the hurt and loss and seeing how God really does use our mess and brokenness to make something beautiful again.   

This week is coming up on Mira’s birthday.  August is always a harder month for me but even more so after everything we have been through this year.  Seeing her not start school with her brothers, trying to imagine what she’d look like now, and seeing the constant missing piece of our family as Zeke struggles to not have his sister.   

These verses today spoke so much comfort to me through my devotion and an amazing reminder that despite all the loss and emptiness God still has beauty for my life.  

What am I seeking daily?  God needs to be my affection. Am I daily worshipping God and keeping that my mindset?  My mind needs to keeps its attention on God and make that my focus. Keep my eyes focused on Godly things and goals and not the temporary things of the world around me.  I need to be spending my time seeking and focusing on God.  At the end of the day I can stand firm on my choices because I am seeking and following God first! 

James 4:8

Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.

Jeremiah 29:13

And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

Psalm 29:2

Give unto the Lord the glory due unto his name; worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness.

Colossians 3:1

If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God.

Psalm 16:7-8

I will bless the Lord, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons.I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved.

Philippians 3:13-14

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 6:13

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

This pain and heartbreak will not be the end of my story.   At the end God has a plan and a purpose and makes things beautiful again.  

Proverbs 31

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I read something today that gave me a huge new perspective:

Proverbs 31:30

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

1) YOU are a woman worth celebrating 

2) Wisdom is a gift from God and a process of learning who God is 

3) Our stories and struggles do not disqualify us. 

Proverbs 2:1-5

My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee;So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, and apply thine heart to understanding;Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding;If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures;Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God.

So much of my life as I look back I see the mess.  I see the teenage girl who was never good enough and didn’t fit in. I see the 20 year old girl who made poor choices and ended up with the wrong guys many times.  I see the 25 year old who felt worthless through how hard she was trying to manage kids and a sick husband.  I see the 30 year old going through intense losses and feeling like her world was crumbling.  

When I read Proverbs 31 I was constantly comparing myself to a woman I never felt I could attain to.  It was a list of things I never was good enough for and others in my life constantly reminded me that I was never enough.

Today as I saw this perspective it was life changing. Proverbs 31 was written as a celebration of women and a woman who was God focused first.  It wasn’t to tear her down and remind her of how worthless she felt by comparison, it was a way to show women how incredible they were! 

Throughout the insanity and trauma and struggles of my life the constant is at the end of the day I seek God.  I want His will and His way for my life.  I may not look like other girls and many will never see the day to day of ways I follow God.  Many will judge and decide I am never good enough or spiritual enough.  

At the end of the day I am a woman and a mom who makes mistakes and may not always measure up but when I follow God and his will for my direction in life I am enough.  I am in a life long process of learning God and following wisdom and grace and guidance for my life.  As I grow older and continue to put God first, Proverbs 31 becomes a celebration of life not a checklist. 

My struggles may make others see me as not enough or as damaged goods, but God sees the grace and glory and love through it all. 

https://youtu.be/Cf-JsNVcNLc

At the end of the day God sees me and sees me as redeemed. I will always and forever be thankful that I can be seen through God and not just through my damage