To be loved

​To be loved and not known is superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear.  To have both is perfection. 

I read this quote earlier today and it resonated so deeply with me.  Most of my life I feel that people say they love me but never want to get to know the messy side of me so it stays surface.  Then I’ve had friends who have gotten to know the deep messy side and end up leaving because they don’t want to deal with the real me. It is beyond rare to find someone willing to accept the social good side and the deep mess that we all have.  

A large part of my life I constantly seek the friendships that love me for who I am and not run away when I’m in my struggles.  This last year I have realized yet again how much I’ve fallen apart from hurt but also knowing where to go and heal 

The last year I learned to dig more deeply in Gods word. I learned to still love those who have walked away and be okay when they step away in spite of the hurt.  I’ve learned just how incredibly special it is to refocus back on my kids and family. 

I’ve always loved being a stay at home mom but I also love helping and investing in others.  It becomes painful when I invest for years into people I love like family who then push me away.  

Learning again to just be focused on my kids and I after my intense burnout has been so good.  I know others won’t step in for me the way I have for them but I can still love my kids fiercely and deeply as we all heal and grow together as a family.

Thankful for the slow pace of life and time to just rest and recover as life goes on. I’m no longer looking for new friends.  I just love the people who show up and be okay when they walk away again.  I focus on God first and teach my children to love God when they are hurting and struggling.  

When God does being the person who loves you for your messes and your happy times you hold on and don’t let them go.  They are rare and incredible.   I’m so thankful that I have that person in my spouse and can enjoy just having my family again without the busyness of life.