Happy Birthday In Heaven sweet Angel

Happy Birthday in Heaven sweet angel.  Two years ago we were blessed with our perfect miracle girl.  Many already know how she was our rainbow baby after her twin brothers passed away.  I prayed 20 years for a girl, so having her was an incredible blessing!

Losing Mira early is heartbreaking, but I"m every day thankful and blessed that we Cherished the time we had with her every day.  Sitting for three days in a hospital knowing she could never come back.  Giving her the last kiss, the last bath, the last of everything. 

It's hard on her birthday to sit and realize that she should be two.  She should be talking, bugging her brothers, getting a princess doll set, and having all the fun a two year old girl has.  She loved to do makeup, wear tiaras, and wrestle her big brothers. 

There is no poem or story or anything that can put into words what a mother feels when her precious child is gone too soon.   I'm glad that our lives were truly changed and became better because of Mira Grace.  She taught us how to be more compassionate and kind.  She taught her brothers how to be more gentle.  She taught her daddy how to snuggle all night and be more patient.  She forever changed the dynamics of our home and brought joy to so many people around her. 

You  never think that dinner will be the last time you see your child.  You never think that bedtime story was the last one you'll ever read to her.  Live every day and every moment as if that will be the last one. 

Her bedroom is forever in my mind as her perfect princess room with everything a girl could ever want.  It was sweet and simple just like her.

If your child was gone tomorrow, what regrets would you have?  We are never guaranteed tomorrow, so live and love every day.  Even the bad days, still see the good and the light in everything.  I could go on all day about grief and love and missing our baby girl.  Instead I choose to take her birthday today and be thankful for the light and love she added to our family in her short time with us.  I'm thankful to have had my baby girl for a short time than never to have had her at all.

I will lend you, for a little time,

A child of mine, he said.

For you to love the while she lives,

And mourn for when she’s dead.

It may be six or seven years,

Or twenty-two or three.

But will you, till I call her back,

Take care of her for Me?

She’ll bring her charms to gladden you,

And should her stay be brief.

You’ll have her lovely memories,

As solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay,

Since all from earth return.

But there are lessons taught down there,

I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked the wide world over,

In search for teachers true.

And from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes

I have selected you.

Now will you give her all your love,

Nor think the labour vain.

Nor hate me when I come

To take her home again?

I fancied that I heard them say,

‘Dear Lord, Thy will be done!’

For all the joys Thy child shall bring,

The risk of grief we’ll run.

We’ll shelter her with tenderness,

We’ll love her while we may,

And for happiness we’ve known,

Forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call for her,

Much sooner than we planned.

We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes,

And try to understand.

by Edgar Guest

It's never time to say goodbye no matter the age.  It's never easy to explain to a brother why they can't have sister anymore.  But at the end of it all, we were blessed with an amazing girl and she is safe in the arms of Jesus.  Her life was short, but now her eternity is far more blessed than I could imagine.

So Cherish every Moment.  Love your children and be the best mom God has for you.  At the end of the day, live with no regrets, because tomorrow is not promised.

Welcome to School 2018!!

We do year-round school for a variety of reasons, but we still do a lot of "back to school" fun things!  We do pictures, "end of summer" events and fun, as well as "kick off" to school 8 weeks in.  We did our last waterpark day, we did friends coming over, we shopped for new sports equipment, bought new music instruments, new clothes, and all the fun things that symbolize the beginning of school!!  We are starting a co op this year, and sports again, which keeps us on a "school" schedule and feel, even though our curriculum goes year round.

Although we aren't on a traditional schedule, there's something to be said for fall, friends, and getting back into the swing of things.  Our first 6-8 weeks of school are usually more relaxed (also in the summer time), and it's a lot of review and easier stuff.  Once the harder parts start kicking in, we've also figured out our goals, plans, and what isn't going to work for the year.

Just a few of our goals and ideas for this upcoming year are:

1) Less is more. 

I keep (yes, EVERY year) adding in way too many papers and activities, and realize that less really is more and kids need a LOT of time for playing and exploring!!

2) Plan my mornings quiet, but afternoons fun!

This year we've added in karate, music lessons, soccer, and our afternoons/evenings are PACKED solid every day!  But this also lets us have quieter mornings for school, chores, and family time which we take at a much slower rate.

3) Enjoy the small stuff and don't sweat it.

I try to enjoy the times like today when we painted together for an hour, and not stress about the laundry I hadn't folded yet.  I also have to remind myself on how young they really are so it's not a race on how big a book they read yet, or how pretty their cursive is.  It will all kick in eventually.

4) Family time first and character building

The MOST important part of homeschooling is focusing on our family and our family's character over curriculum.  The first few weeks of school I tend to power on with HOW much we will learn and accomplish, but the truth is, I care much more on what kind of person my kid is learning to be.  Character building and family time are some of the main reasons we homeschool and that needs to stay my focus over how fast we can multiply numbers.

I am SO thankful we are back to homeschooling, and cannot wait to see what this year holds for us!
What are some of your back to school goals and fun??

Trusting the "system" and why we LOVE My Fathers World!

This year we are BACK to homeschooling!!!   We are thankful that we were able to participate and help out at the Christian school for their starting year, but our family deeply needs to be homeschooling.

I used to love the idea of traditional school, because that's how I grew up!  My husband also grew up in private and public schools and wanted his kids to be the same.  We started homeschooling for "fun" to keep me and my toddlers busy during our days at home.  However, we started to realize that we really love teaching our children.  Before long, our homeschool became a part of our home life and our family life.  It wasn't just teaching academics, but it was about a whole well rounded love of learning as a family.

We did a year of private school, and even with me as their teacher, we discovered a lot about our family that year. We realized just how fragile our health was, and that homeschooling was giving us the balance to keep it maintained.  We also realized that the traditional set up that we THOUGHT we loved, was actually vastly different than what we had done as a family.  We also were losing a lot of family time because with our health we had no time or energy for anything outside of school.  Our kids quit loving to learn because it was a "chore" now instead of a lifestyle.

So this year, due to health, family situations and a few other things we went back to homeschooling.

As I write this, we are already in week six because we do year round school.  I originally did not want to, but we've learned that after a week or two of not doing school the kids get bored!  They love the routine, and the learning!!  I also love to travel, so we do year round school to allow us to have plenty of time for vacations throughout the year.

Onto how and why we chose My Fathers World for school!

1) LESS is MORE.

I grew up with Abeka and although it is academically amazing, it is 100% the "traditional" structure that I have learned I don't like for our family.  I started using My Fathers World (MFW) because it had SO many hands on toys and manipulatives for the younger preschool and Kindergarten ages.  The first time we did it I panicked because it was not enough papers.  How on earth were my children going to learn without loads of workbooks and papers??!  I decided to supplement and add on, but in the end it gave me more headache.  By the halfway point of Kindergarten, I learned that less was more.  Our kids learned SO much that year because I wasn't realizing just HOW much the hands on and books and out loud reading was teaching them.

2) Books and reading.

MFW (now we are doing third grade and under) has so many great books and stories.  As a family we read out loud about missionaries, historical figures, allegories, and much more!  I learn daily with my children as we snuggle up as a family and bond and discover these people together.  Our kids ALL love to read on their own and are constantly learning.  It's no pressure for them and it has cultivated a love of reading and learning that I did not even plan for.

3) Nature and play!

With a house of boys, play and outdoors is a MUST for us!  I love that they bird watch, dig for bugs, and pick out variety of leaves and then tell me all about how they just learned this in science!  We do weekly nature digs, art outdoors, and much more.

In the preschool and Kindergarten ages, so much of the curriculum is hands on, making things, and play based learning!

4) Trust the system and quit comparing.

Every year I see just how "little" we have for papers, and I look at what everyone else is doing.  The mom in me panics!  How on earth will they learn handwriting without a handwriting curriculum?  How will they do grammar without drills?  etc, etc.  I always start off with way too much and within a couple week have fussy and overwhelmed kids.  Then I remind myself just how much LESS IS MORE.  This year we already have booted out the first several attempt of me adding too much and now we have a much happier school life!

5) Family time.

My husband and I both have very poor health.  Because of this we have to carefully balance and maintain everything we do as a family.  With homeschooling we are able to take things slower and enjoy so much time with our kids.  We never know how long we have, and losing our daughter this last year just reaffirmed how much we value our family time.


6)Simple and easy.

I could keep going on with how much MFW has simple teacher guides, little to no prep, and it's a very easy to follow curriculum, but I will say it fits our family needs perfectly, and I'm very thankful that we found it.  It's low stress on me, and it's low stress on our kids.  Every year I'm amazed at just how much they really do learn!!

7) More time for everything else!

Because our school days take 3 hours or less, we have much  more time for extra curricular activities, fun, and friends!

What I've learned the most is keep things simple, don't sweat the small stuff, and ENJOY life!  Forever thankful that we are able to homeschool and keep our family in a home of learning, love, and closeness.

Galveston Getaway!

Last minute trips are the BEST!!  We had a good friend come down for a visit from North Dakota, so of COURSE we had to take them to the beach!

Having grown up in ND, I understand the need and love for seeing ocean and water (even if it is the brown mud of the Gulf).

We didn't have much time this trip, so we packed it all in in a day!!  We got to the beach, and had a great lunch on the Pier.  Then the boys got to visit the BEST kite store on the island so we could go fly kites and swim all afternoon.  These are the sweet memories.  The ones where you just relax and breathe, and take in all the sweet and amazing moments.

After several hours of fun and outdoors, we rested a little and then finally did Pleasure Pier.  We have been saying for years we should go, but the kids were finally big enough to do the rides!  I have never seen so many roller coasters and fun rides packed into a small space.  SO much fun and well worth it!  We went at night where everything was lit up and spectacular.  We also learned that we have created roller coaster lovers of our boys!  They were fearless as they went on every... single... one.  Even the giant ones that went 200 ft up in the air!  Watching my boys light up and enjoy the thrill of adventure is amazing!

Embrace the sweet moments, and enjoy the fun!  It was a much needed mental break, and I'm SO thankful we had the opportunity to go have an amazing mini adventure!  Life is all about adventure and taking the chance whenever you can!

Always remember to open your eyes, and go on that adventure!  You only have ONE life to live!

How we are doing three months later.

Has it really been three months???  When you lose a child time moves differently.  Every day feels like an eternity, yet it also flies by so fast without them.

We have been striving to be busy this summer.  My goal was to keep the boys as uplifted and fun as possible to help them from spiraling at home too severely from depression.  We are almost back to a semi-normal state of life since Mira passed away.

The hardest part to the readjustment is everywhere we go, I see a gaping hole where she needs to be.  Every time we are somewhere and people comment "oh look, you have all boys" a HUGE part of me wants to say, "NO, I have a girl too!!" but then you end up with the awkward conversations.

In efforts to keep the boys busy and productive, they went to a bereavement camp which helped them a bit.  We also found a sleepytime app called Moshi which has helped Samuel finally start sleeping on his own!  The boys seem mostly stable but they are deeply needy and afraid without mommy and daddy, so little things like them sleeping in their rooms again is a huge step for us.

We also noticed that they were starting to fight more and act out aggressively, so we enrolled them in Tae Kwon Do.  This is a way for them to learn PRODUCTIVE ways to protect themselves and build up their confidence and self control again.  So far they like learning new ways to "fight" but without hurting anybody.

Most days feel back to normal again.  They build tree forts, club houses, play legos, do schoolwork, so I'm glad that it's not a daily fall apart to the extent it used to be.  This month is especially hard for me because it's Mira's birthday and she would be turning two.  Watching everyone else turn older without her hurts every day.  I constantly wonder how much more she would be talking, would her hair still be as curly as it grew longer, would she bug her brothers as much, would she be a tomboy, would we be adding a mountain of dolls to our collection, who would her favorite princess be??  So many "what ifs" that I try so hard not to dwell on.

This all being said, depression can be easy to spiral into.  I have been trying to keep myself busy as well by planning fun trips and focus on the boys.  I also started a new job as a music studio violin teacher with a lot of students.  It's nice to have two evenings a week for me to do something for myself.  I'm also continuing to work on college online, and in a couple weeks we will be doing co op classes once a week as well!  My goal is for us to be growing and bonding as a family as the boys and us learn our "new normal."  But as a mom, I can easily lose myself in my kids, so it's also important for me to do somethings for just myself.  I'm thankful for the opportunity for teaching because it gives me an outlet away from everything else.

This post is not be a downer or depressing, it's just a way for you all to see how we are changing and moving through life.  When you lose a child it's like losing a limb.  You learn how to function again through lots of painful work, but you have a constant reminder of a loss that can never be restored.  It's there every day, whether or not you like it.  You still can be happy again, but you are permanently and forever changed.

We are slowly healing and growing, but life will never again be the same.

Romans 8:26-28 KJV

26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what [is] the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to [the will of] God.

28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.

Mira's passing and our family.

As most of you know, our daughter, Mira Grace passed away earlier in May due to a drowning accident.  It was a shock, and emotionally destroying time the week of the hospital, funeral, and everything surrounding it.  We were overwhelmed by love from friends, family, and the community throughout it all and were well taken care of by everyone.

Since then, life, sadly, continues on.

We are doing our best to keep this summer fun and energetic for the boys so they aren't compounding grief and depression on a summer-long grief and depression spiral.  They struggle daily with missing their sister, and Ezekiel still asks about her every day because he wants her to come back from visiting heaven.  He's only three and doesn't understand why she's gone.  The other two are depressed and are getting through.

We were blessed earlier this month with Sea World tickets for FREE to all Veterans (before July 4th).  This was an amazing fun getaway as a family and a few extra friends. :)

Ezekiel is learning how to ride "big boy" bikes with training wheels, and is doing great!  Elijah is still the same as usual, and loves to day dream and read, and overall depends strongly on Samuel.  Samuel is working on painting and developing his artistry skills.

We are SO happy to be back to homeschooling!!  Because we do year-round school, we are already starting back into it slowly, and it is helping us keep order and balance in our home.  Heat of the day in summer is the BEST time to sit in the air conditioning and do school as a family.

I am also back in school!  I've been doing online classes since November, and am doing great.  Now that I"m home full-time with the kids, I'm able to focus more on classes, and focus more on my family.  It is a refreshing change of pace to all be back home again as a family.  It is a great way for us to heal and bond as a family though all of this time.

People keep asking "how are you doing so great during all of this!?".  The truth is, God's grace has given AMAZING peace to our family.  I spent the last two years getting closer than ever to God, and through the loss of our twins, and our health, and numerous other trials, God has always carried us through.  The days I thought I could no longer go on and wanted to collapse, God always brought us through.  Even though this most recent loss of our daughter has been catastrophic in some ways, God is still there to help us heal and love and grow more.  I don't know why this happened, nor do we ever know "why" God allows things to happen.  But I do know that He always provides for us.  We have been amazingly blessed with our church family, our friends, our new house, our children, and our marriage.  Through thick and thin, good and bad, God never stops loving us and being amazing.

Does it still hurt?  Yes.  Does that mean we stop life and fail to keep serving and loving, and doing what we do? No!

Even through our grief and trials we need to love others, and do what we can for each other as a family.

I'm forever thankful to each and every person that has been there for us and continues to love and pray for us!

School, life, and other things!

As many people know, we have been enjoying the Christian school this year!  As a teacher, I have been loving the hands on projects, the amazing opportunity to teach the kids, and of course, learning and applying new styles and methods of teaching for each student.  It has given me the opportunity to grow and mature in many areas, as well as see my children in a "typical" school environment.

This last month, Sam and Elijah BOTH won the reading contest at school, which earned them a gift card to Barnes and Noble.  They read 1,000 and 5,000 pages worth of books over the course of 4 weeks.  They worked so hard on this and I am very proud of their hard work and efforts!  They also participated in the school speech contest.  Even though neither of them placed, they both did a great job!!  They are building up their confidence of speaking in front of others, using good expression and strong speaking voices.  As the school year is quickly coming to a close, I am very thankful for the opportunity we have had to be in the school for this year.

Sam loves learning from life of Fred to and from school every day!  HIs dream is to be a great mathematician and artist.

Learning how caterpillars form into butterflies

Now, as many people also know, mine and my husbands health has been a big battle for us this year.  Due to my working full time and being out of the home, it put a tremendous stress on John's health, and mine as well.  Because of our health decline, and other factors, we are going back to homeschooling next year.  We are very excited to go back to being home as a family, and working one on one with our children again!  Even though we appreciated the private school this year, we discovered it was overall not a good fit for our family and our different challenges we face. 

I am looking forward to starting over again this summer/fall and go back to our many adventures as a family with school, home, and life!