Looking back I make my list of reasons when life didn't go as planned that spiraled me into the path that I am on now. Ranging from broken relationships, divorce, college drop out, severe health problems, etc. All of these at the time felt catastrophic and bad at the time. I mean who is really happy that their boyfriend going into preaching left them? Who is happy their husband leaves a marriage? Who is happy that you can't do Bible college due to health? Who is happy that the ministry you felt called into your whole life feels impossible to get to? Who is happy that you have to move every 6 months for 2 years because severe things keep happening??
For those that knows what it feels like to get called into a ministry and then feel unable to reach that understand it feels catastrophic. When you have a goal and purpose, and you suddenly get yanked out from that purpose, it can be devastating.
I could go in depth and rant and race about how bad my life has been and I could go on, but honestly, no one needs to add to the drama of my past. Understand that it was hard, and some days still is, but it's not the place we want to live and sulk.
Last year I came to terms with a lot of my past issues and gave it all to God to handle. I was upset that I was never going to be able to be a missionary somewhere I had wanted to. I was upset that my husband's health forced us to Texas and doesn't let us leave. I was upset that I my friends were getting called into their ministries, and yet I was "stuck" where I was. Around this time I heard a message about Blooming where you are planted. I came to the realization that even though I'm not doing what I think I should be doing with my life, God still has a plan for it all. Instead of moping around and being angry at the world for not doing the way I planned, I could just make things the best I could where I was.
This was not a magical overnight change, but it was taking small steps towards the right direction to get me from a deep, deep spiral of depression and anger. Over the last year I am so thankful and grateful for how God has worked in my life and my family's life to grow us past the hurt and the past. It is a DAILY struggle still to maintain thoughts towards God, and not spiral again, but as I daily grow towards God, the easier other areas of life feel. They are not easier, but when you compare to eternity and remember God's grace, the "stress" of every little things becomes much less.
I made the kids where I was my new ministry. I decided that wherever God would allow me to work and reach others, I would pray hard and strive there. Doing this took away years of bitterness and resentment, and instead opened us blessings and encouragement for my family! We have developed relationships, goals, and are so happy and content where we are.
This last few weeks I felt like things were starting to turn again away from all this work we had been doing. Tonight I heard another message that just re-encouraged me so much! It's not about comparing to everyone else, and it's not about doing what WE think we can do. It's about giving it to God, and letting HIM use us. If someone else is better at part of ministry, let them! What does God allow YOU to do for him??
At the time of trials, it can be hard to see the end, and it's hard to look ahead and see how God will work it out. But, I can look back five years ago and see where God used choices and situation (yes, even the really bad ones and hard ones) to push and mold me into where my life is today. Because of the hard time, we are now able to raise our children in a wonderful church family, with other friends in ministry and able to reach groups of children that otherwise would never be reached.
Here are just a few things that really helped me out:
1) Realize that you are just human, and GOD has a purpose behind our lives.
2) Find the good and gratitude, even in the storms and trials! There is a silver lining. For me, I even started a daily "blessings" book, where I focus on what DID happen right that day.
3) Take care of yourself. If we do not take care of ourselves spiritually, physically, and emotionally, then we will not be open to what God has for us. Personally, the worse my days get, the harder I dig into my Bible and take comfort.
4) Notice the changes God is making in your life and look at how it has impacted you positively.
5) Look at what God is doing NOW for you. Don't focus on the "whatifs" and "whynots" of life.
6) Find encouragement from others who have been there before you. God places people in our lives to learn from and help us when we can't help ourselves.
7) Remember that we are being molded and shaped for what God has for us. That oftentimes involves being broken, heated up, put through the fire, but in the end we will be a masterpiece for Christ.
There are times we will never know the "good" from some things, and at other times it will be years later before we look back and see how far God brought us.
Life hurts, but we can take comfort in the fact that when we have a relationship with God, he knows the end. He takes care of the smallest flowers, and the tiniest sparrows, and he takes the time to care about US so much more!!
I could go on all day on verses of comfort and learning to lean on God during the trials. All I can say is when you are going through the storms of life, lean on God yourself (no one else can do it for you), and learn to be truly content with where you are at and BLOOM and grow where God has placed you. Be ready to move to the next part as soon as God allows you, but also be content with serving where you are if this is all He ever calls for you.
You never know what person you might reach that no one else can.
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