Working on ME

Lately I have been realizing that many many people love the "happy, optimistic, goal setting, awesome supermom job" that I live and I work hard on.

I do have a little secret though.  The secret is..this did NOT happen overnight, and it did NOT happen all at once.

For those that have never struggled with intense depression, like leave your family, hide in a cabin and never come back because your life is a hot mess, type depression and anxiety, then you are very lucky.  However, I was that person.  My entire life I struggled with bipolar, as well as chronic health problems.  After my third child though, PPD (post pardum depression) kicked into a high gear on top of everything else.

I found myself one day, fresh out of psychiatric ward, sitting in front of a counselor, yelling and screaming at how awful my life was because of....*insert tons of excuses here*.  I look back though on this moment as a HUGE wake up call for my life.  One thing that did stick with me throughout this depressive, long, yelling, bad ordeal was the advice of: work on YOU.  Of course, this advice spiraled me into more yelling and anger, but looking back, this was step one of my "improvement" journey.

1) QUIT blaming others for what is wrong!

I was constantly blaming my kids, my husband, and everyone around me for why things were bad.  The idea of just working on ME was not on my list.  Once I started looking at every situation and finding a way I could improve it I quit finding a reason to be so mad.  It is easy to blame others, but it's also really easy to take five minutes and fix something too.

Nagging and getting mad at your husband will NOT fix your problems.  Getting upset at your friends for not being what you need is NOT making you better.  Getting mad at your kids for acting like you will NOT improve life!

I had to start looking at every situation of "this is my mess, so how can I improve it?"


2) QUIT stinkin' thinkin'!
Growing up, my Pastor's wife constantly said "quit stinkin' thinkin!"  I always felt hopeless over "this is just how life is" thinking.  I started actively watching my thinking.  I quit watching drama on television, quit reading drama in books, and quit posting the drama on social media!

I also started daily finding things to improve my thoughts daily.  Between Bible devotions, self improvement books, homemaking books, etc.  Any book that would help me be encouraged and want to make changes was what I focused on!

I also found new friends.  Not all at once, just slowly quit hanging out the "drama mama" people.  Yes, I WAS one of the drama queen central, but I know it didn't help me.  How do you fix yourself?  I thought about the type of friends I wanted in my life, and started acting like how I would want a friend to be.  Now, this isn't perfect, and I definitely struggle in many areas, but actively changing my thought life made great improvements in my sanity.

3) QUIT the drama!

Okay, so I kind of covered this in the previous point, but it still stands.  QUIT THE DRAMA!  I learned to start going to my husband when it was overwhelming, or just pray, and pray, and pray.  Publicly ranting my drama and problems definitely was helping no one, and it made me constantly dwell on it.  Also, who really wants to hang out with a drama fest?? No one!

4) QUIT comparing!

No one has the perfect life!  So serious.  NOBODY.  That mom with perfect pictures and hair and makeup is looking at you with a new car feeling not as good as you.  That mom that is amazing at discipline and structure is envious of that mom that knows how to let loose and fly crazy!

Maybe not exactly, but my motto is: DO NOT COMPARE your "behind the scenes" problems with someone else's "highlights!"

Just because you don't know every problem and issue someone else is going through does not mean they don't struggle too.  Every body struggles, so show grace and love, and never compare.  What works for you may not work for someone else.  How your family operates is not how someone else's will.

God made each of us unique, different, and special, so embrace your specialness!


5) FIND your purpose!

For me, I felt like staying home with three children under three was NOT my purpose.  It was not fulfilling for me to cook dinner, change diapers, never sleep, and be exhausted all the time.  I started by making a goal and a plan.  I ended up going back to college full time (4 hours a day), so I was finding something I could do, and I still had people that helped and encourage me throughout all of this.

Over time, my purpose changed, but always find a goal or something to work towards!  Whether it be homemaking, a new promotion at work, homeschooling, or ministry somewhere. FIND what you can feel accomplished at!  This is different for every person, but aiming through life mindlessly does nobody any good.


So maybe this list isn't perfect, and I'm sure I will think of lots more late, but for me these were some very key starts to fixing my life.  Life still isn't perfect, but two years later I can happily say I LOVE what I do with my life, I'm HAPPY with who I am as a person, and I'm EXCITED to see where the next stage takes me!!

Never stop growing, and never stop showing others you care!