New Years 2019!

Looking back on last year's "New Year" post, I see just how life isn't even recognizable anymore.

Instead of resolutions, I do a word of the year to help me focus.  The first time was ROOTED in the Bible, family, and faith.  Last year was BALANCE.  I worked on friendships, and maintaining healthy boundaries and balance in life.  Even with the death of our daughter, and losing our new baby, and so many other things, we have strived to maintain a balance as a family and keep life healthy.

This year I am working on MINIMAL.  I've realized this last year that I tend to do things all or nothing.  This is good in some areas, but it also made me overextend myself (part of that balance I was working on), but I also end up wasting a lot.

As I strive to keep my home decluttered and more minimal down to what we need verses a lot of junk, I realized I also need to do that for my health and my mind.

Minimize the drama, minimize the negative, minimize the things that are wasting my energy and not improving it.

Although this year was insanely hard, there was still many good factors of it.

1) We went back to homeschooling and focused on our boys and our family! 

This was a much needed blessing that our family needed, and it helped heal and grow our family this year

2) Got a job I LOVED!!

This year my music job has been a huge improvement and impact for my health, my mind, and it has freshened my love of music.  I have many new students, a great studio, and am constantly expanding my opportunities!

3) We did the road trip of a lifetime!

We did our EPIC National Parks/Disneyland trip which our family desperately needed.  It got us away to reset and restart as a family.  I also checked so many things off my bucket list with that trip, it was a decade in the planning for me!

4) New starts, new friends

We made a new church home which has been a blessing for us, we have met and made many new friends with homeschooling, church, and work!  I'm thankful for the opportunities we have had this year.  As a family we also have been doing family devotions more and growing spiritually as a family!  This is a huge blessing for us as we learn to grow and heal together.

Although we still grieve and mourn for the losses of this year, I don't want to forget the good that we had as well.

I am going to get back into my own Bible reading again (I have been desperately slacking), working on my degree, growing my makeup business, and taking care of me and my family!

I pray that all of you have a blessed and amazing New Year.  New Goals, new challenges, and new growth waiting to happen!

I have no idea what this next year holds, but I know that God will get us through it.

The Life I didn't choose.... Getting through the Holiday Grief.

This Christmas is by far the most difficult we have ever experienced.

We have worked hard to maintain a happy outward for friends and our children, but every memory is different without our daughter.  Hanging up stockings, and realizing I'm short 4 children devastates me every time.  Seeing only boy presents under the tree without our princess and her dolls is almost too much to bear.  Every sparkly dress I'm not buying, every new hair bow she can never use... the list goes on and on.

Our family made some changes, so even though it's not ever going to be the same, we can remember her and still make good memories with the children we still have.  We talk about Mira, we remember her, we watch videos, and we make sure we don't forget the impact and love she had on our family.  We made ornaments to remember her, but we also don't dwell on it so much that it ruins it for the boys.

How do we deal?  Some days we hole up in bed and fight depression, but making ourselves get up and do ONE thing a day makes a huge difference.  Am I in the mood to make a gingerbread house??  NO.  Do I want to sing Christmas songs?  No.  But teaching our children that even though we are grieving, it will not destroy us.  

I have to remind myself that we are not failing if we aren't doing everything we used to do.  Making new traditions, keeping things simple, and embracing the traditions we can do.  We will still do our matching PJ's, we will still have a great Christmas morning, and we will still cry and continue to love and grow.

Today I finally had the energy to visit her grave again, and finally add some poinsettia flowers.  Some days I can't deal with it, and some days having friends there for me and to talk to makes a difference.  I'm so thankful for the friends that went painting with me for my birthday, and for the people who love on us and check up on us during this difficult time.

When you see us smiling and having a great day, yes, those days happen, but when you don't see us, it's because life is overwhelming that day and I am hiding.

God gives us more than we can handle, because he gives us the grace to depend on him and cast our burdens on Him through it all.

But they that wait upon the Lord 

shall renew their strength; 

they shall mount up with wings as eagles; 

they shall run, and not be weary; 

and they shall walk, and not faint.

Isaiah 40:31 | KJV 

And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.

Deuteronomy 31:8 | KJV 

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, 

from whence cometh my help. 

My help cometh from the Lord,

which made heaven and earth.

Psalm 121:1-2 | KJV 

For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.

2 Corinthians 4:17 | KJV 

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 | KJV 

Christmas tree traditions!

Merry Christmas!!

So our tree traditions have changed and evolved a little every year.  I grew up with the memories of assembling the family fake tree and LOVED it!  My husband grew up with his real tree every year and LOVED that.   Throughout our marriage we have done a little of both.  We do real trees at times, and fake at times.  This year though, we opted for both.  We got the BIG beautiful real tree for our main room, and a smaller fake tree for the kids area upstairs. 

Locally, there is a place with a fun pumpkin patch every year, but the last few years they've also started doing Christmas trees!  This lets us go through and find the perfect tree for our family.  The kids loved playing on their playground, and helping daddy find the one for us.  We almost couldn't get it home because it wouldn't tie on the roof of our van, but luckily we made it squeeze into our van and at the end all the kids ended up fitting in too!

We went to Hobby Lobby and picked our our favorite red and green ornaments, a new angel for the topper, and then added some of our new annual ornaments.  I like to find ornaments that reflect memories of our past year.  Normally it's a new baby, or a new pet, or something to that effect.   Due to the amount of loss from our daughter, Mira, passing away and then losing another new baby to miscarriage this fall, it was a lot harder than normal.  We decided to still honor their memories with ornaments, as well as celebrate our new home, and work on making new memories together.

Our new puppy, Dottie, also got in on the action!  Although it's not the same type of tree every year, the tradition of decorating, loving, and making memories will always be the same for us.

Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and embrace the traditions, or even make new ones for your family.

Our Disney Trip!

SO I already posted a bit about the Jr. Ranger program because I wanted this to be focused on our Disneyland Trip!

Due to my husbands health, we are not always able to travel as a family.  I was VERY thankful that he was able to fly out and spend time with us at Disneyland, California.  The boys were the perfect age to enjoy it all!

I had been told in the past the Disneyland was more for older kids, but come to find out it's ideal for the ages we have now (4-8)!  The kids were still young enough to fall in love with meeting some of their favorite characters, and they LOVED the kid rides from their favorite movies and fun.  They were also old enough to handle the long days!  Fortunately, because we were in the off season, the lines were not too bad, and we were able to see a lot.  I was glad we did the 4 day pass.  I originally thought it would be too many days for a smaller park, but it worked out perfectly!  We took our time to do EVERY ride they had.  We also got to do the dress up day around Halloween, but still see the Christmas decorations go up the days after. 

Ezekiel was JUST big enough for Splash Mountain and the Thunder Mountain Railroad rides!  He is a roller coaster LOVER now!!  For just four years old I was proud of how much he did with the big kids and how well he held up over all.  Between meeting Mickey Mouse, seeing our favorite Star Wars characters, enjoying amazing New Orleans food, seeing parades, concerts, old western shows, traveling the Mark Twain boat, and much much more, it was a life time of experience!

Samuel and Elijah thoroughly enjoyed the fun, adventure, and seeing some of their favorite movies come to life!

We also spend one full day doing California Adventure.  The boys and I all liked the Pixar experiences, and getting some bigger roller-coasters and more extreme rides such as the Guardians of the Galaxy Tower of Terror!  We traveled through the world of Monsters Inc, and got to go "under the sea" with the Little Mermaid. 

Although I'm thankful for this trip and experience, I definitely am glad we did the smaller park first so as they get older we can do Disney World for the bigger and greater time!!

We enjoyed the amazing experience as a family and with our close friends.

At the end of the day, spending time as a family, enjoying the ocean, and making memories is what this is all about.

Junior Ranger Program on our Trip!

Hey!

So, our last vacation we decided to do an EPIC road trip! The main goal was to go to Disneyland, but we ended up with so much more.  We started off planning a couple of National Parks, like the Grand Canyon and Yosemite.  Originally we planned maybe 4-5 Parks total.  Then, we learned about the Junior Ranger Program!

This program is a FREE, FUN, and EDUCATIONAL program for all children.  Once you go to a national park, you get a booklet to fill out and at the end you get sworn in as a Jr. Ranger of that Park.  You get a badge, a certificate, and a lot of knowledge and fun.  In order to get your badge you have to go hiking, exploring, or something to learn about why that park in particular is so special.

Because we have a National Park near us (the Waco Mammoth Site) we went there first and got a National Parks Passport book.  This book shows ALL the parks, monuments, and battlefields in the United States.  This book opened up so many opportunities on our trip.  We realized quickly that so many of these parks were just off the path of our main road trip. 

All in all, we ended up seeing 14-16 Parks during our vacation instead of just the 4 or 5 we originally planned.  The kids learned SO much (as well as the adults) and they got a lifetime of experience and fun doing that.  They still thought Disneyland was the best part, but I know the adults fell in love with the Parks.

This also taught our kids an appreciation and love of nature and how to treat and respect the things we have around us.  They got to see the lowest and highest parts of North America.  The biggest Canyons, and the tallest trees!  I cannot wait to see how much more we learn and explore as we continue throughout their lives to see as many National Parks as we can!

As a family this is a way to get an affordable and amazing vacation full of sweet memories and family time!  I was shocked at just how much we could do for a very low price.  If you do this while camping it's even cheaper!!

This was the start to many more great adventures!

Happy Birthday In Heaven sweet Angel

Happy Birthday in Heaven sweet angel.  Two years ago we were blessed with our perfect miracle girl.  Many already know how she was our rainbow baby after her twin brothers passed away.  I prayed 20 years for a girl, so having her was an incredible blessing!

Losing Mira early is heartbreaking, but I"m every day thankful and blessed that we Cherished the time we had with her every day.  Sitting for three days in a hospital knowing she could never come back.  Giving her the last kiss, the last bath, the last of everything. 

It's hard on her birthday to sit and realize that she should be two.  She should be talking, bugging her brothers, getting a princess doll set, and having all the fun a two year old girl has.  She loved to do makeup, wear tiaras, and wrestle her big brothers. 

There is no poem or story or anything that can put into words what a mother feels when her precious child is gone too soon.   I'm glad that our lives were truly changed and became better because of Mira Grace.  She taught us how to be more compassionate and kind.  She taught her brothers how to be more gentle.  She taught her daddy how to snuggle all night and be more patient.  She forever changed the dynamics of our home and brought joy to so many people around her. 

You  never think that dinner will be the last time you see your child.  You never think that bedtime story was the last one you'll ever read to her.  Live every day and every moment as if that will be the last one. 

Her bedroom is forever in my mind as her perfect princess room with everything a girl could ever want.  It was sweet and simple just like her.

If your child was gone tomorrow, what regrets would you have?  We are never guaranteed tomorrow, so live and love every day.  Even the bad days, still see the good and the light in everything.  I could go on all day about grief and love and missing our baby girl.  Instead I choose to take her birthday today and be thankful for the light and love she added to our family in her short time with us.  I'm thankful to have had my baby girl for a short time than never to have had her at all.

I will lend you, for a little time,

A child of mine, he said.

For you to love the while she lives,

And mourn for when she’s dead.

It may be six or seven years,

Or twenty-two or three.

But will you, till I call her back,

Take care of her for Me?

She’ll bring her charms to gladden you,

And should her stay be brief.

You’ll have her lovely memories,

As solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay,

Since all from earth return.

But there are lessons taught down there,

I want this child to learn.

I’ve looked the wide world over,

In search for teachers true.

And from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes

I have selected you.

Now will you give her all your love,

Nor think the labour vain.

Nor hate me when I come

To take her home again?

I fancied that I heard them say,

‘Dear Lord, Thy will be done!’

For all the joys Thy child shall bring,

The risk of grief we’ll run.

We’ll shelter her with tenderness,

We’ll love her while we may,

And for happiness we’ve known,

Forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call for her,

Much sooner than we planned.

We’ll brave the bitter grief that comes,

And try to understand.

by Edgar Guest

It's never time to say goodbye no matter the age.  It's never easy to explain to a brother why they can't have sister anymore.  But at the end of it all, we were blessed with an amazing girl and she is safe in the arms of Jesus.  Her life was short, but now her eternity is far more blessed than I could imagine.

So Cherish every Moment.  Love your children and be the best mom God has for you.  At the end of the day, live with no regrets, because tomorrow is not promised.

Welcome to School 2018!!

We do year-round school for a variety of reasons, but we still do a lot of "back to school" fun things!  We do pictures, "end of summer" events and fun, as well as "kick off" to school 8 weeks in.  We did our last waterpark day, we did friends coming over, we shopped for new sports equipment, bought new music instruments, new clothes, and all the fun things that symbolize the beginning of school!!  We are starting a co op this year, and sports again, which keeps us on a "school" schedule and feel, even though our curriculum goes year round.

Although we aren't on a traditional schedule, there's something to be said for fall, friends, and getting back into the swing of things.  Our first 6-8 weeks of school are usually more relaxed (also in the summer time), and it's a lot of review and easier stuff.  Once the harder parts start kicking in, we've also figured out our goals, plans, and what isn't going to work for the year.

Just a few of our goals and ideas for this upcoming year are:

1) Less is more. 

I keep (yes, EVERY year) adding in way too many papers and activities, and realize that less really is more and kids need a LOT of time for playing and exploring!!

2) Plan my mornings quiet, but afternoons fun!

This year we've added in karate, music lessons, soccer, and our afternoons/evenings are PACKED solid every day!  But this also lets us have quieter mornings for school, chores, and family time which we take at a much slower rate.

3) Enjoy the small stuff and don't sweat it.

I try to enjoy the times like today when we painted together for an hour, and not stress about the laundry I hadn't folded yet.  I also have to remind myself on how young they really are so it's not a race on how big a book they read yet, or how pretty their cursive is.  It will all kick in eventually.

4) Family time first and character building

The MOST important part of homeschooling is focusing on our family and our family's character over curriculum.  The first few weeks of school I tend to power on with HOW much we will learn and accomplish, but the truth is, I care much more on what kind of person my kid is learning to be.  Character building and family time are some of the main reasons we homeschool and that needs to stay my focus over how fast we can multiply numbers.

I am SO thankful we are back to homeschooling, and cannot wait to see what this year holds for us!
What are some of your back to school goals and fun??